Ask a Queer Chick
Lindsay King-Miller
20 min
8 Key Points
4.5 RateWhat's inside?
Explore the world of LGBTQ+ relationships and lifestyle with this comprehensive guide, offering advice and insights on love, sex, and life for women attracted to other women.
You'll learn
1. Getting comfy with your sexuality2. Navigating LGBTQ+ love and dating3. Tips for the big "coming out" chat4. Getting the lowdown on queer culture5. Handling hate and prejudice6. Loving yourself, societal norms be damned!Key points
01Coming out? It's tough, but worth it
"Coming out" is a big deal for folks in the LGBTQ+ community. It's all about letting people know who you really are in terms of your sexual orientation or gender identity. In a perfect world, we wouldn't need to do this. Everyone would just accept each other as they are, no questions asked. But, that's not how things work in real life. Most of us in the LGBTQ+ community have to go through the process of coming out, often more than once, to different people in our lives. It can be scary, because you're sharing a really personal part of yourself and there's always the risk of rejection or misunderstanding. The author of this piece, Lindsay King-Miller, shares her own coming out story. She told her family while they were on their way to a Christmas Eve dinner. This just goes to show that there's no one-size-fits-all way or time to come out. It's a deeply personal decision that you should make when you feel ready and comfortable. The first step in coming out is figuring out who you are and accepting yourself. This means acknowledging your sexual orientation or gender identity, and understanding what that means for you. This can be tough, because it involves a lot of self-reflection and self-discovery. King-Miller suggests reading a lot, talking to others who have been through the same thing, and getting to a point where you accept yourself. This can take time, and that's okay. There's no rush. You should only come out when you feel that the stress of hiding who you are is worse than the fear of letting people know. When you decide to come out, there are lots of ways to do it. Some people might choose to have a face-to-face chat with someone they care about, while others might prefer to write a letter or post something on social media. How you come out is totally up to you. If you decide to come out in person, King-Miller suggests keeping the conversation simple. Explain who you are, what it means to you, how it might change your relationship with the person you're telling, and what you hope for from them in the future. Be ready to answer questions, but remember, you don't have to apologize for being you. In a nutshell, coming out is a big step for people in the LGBTQ+ community. It's a journey that involves figuring out who you are, accepting yourself, and having the courage to let others know the real you. While it can be scary, it's a crucial step towards living your life openly and authentically.
02Queer culture? It's all about being you
Hey there! Let's chat about what it means to be part of the queer culture. It's all about being true to yourself, accepting your sexual orientation or gender identity, and living it out loud and proud. It's not about squeezing yourself into a box or trying to match a stereotype. It's about creating your own identity and expressing it in your own unique way. Think about it like this: imagine a community. A community is just a bunch of folks who have something in common. In the queer community, that commonality is identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ). This community is a colorful mix of people from all walks of life, different backgrounds, races, ages, interests, jobs, and styles. But they all have one thing in common - they don't fit the heteronormative mold when it comes to sexual orientation or gender identity. Now, let's talk about what it means to 'embrace who you really are'. It's all about accepting and being comfortable with your true self, including your sexual orientation or gender identity. It's about not hiding or trying to change this part of you to fit into what society expects. For instance, if you're a woman who digs other women, embracing who you really are means accepting this attraction and not trying to hide it or pretend to be into guys. In her book, Lindsay King-Miller talks about the stereotypes often linked with lesbians, like having short hair, being into motorcycles, or sporting tattoos. But she makes it clear that these are just stereotypes, not a checklist for being a lesbian. You can be a lesbian and have long hair, hate motorcycles, and have zero tattoos. The only thing you need to be a lesbian, or part of the queer community, is to accept and live out your sexual orientation or gender identity. King-Miller also shares some tips on how to find and connect with other members of the LGBTQ community. You could hit up gay bars, check out open mic nights or poetry readings, visit feminist bookstores, or join an LGBTQ community center. If you're in a rural area where these options aren't available, you can still connect with the LGBTQ community online through websites like Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and PinkCupid. And let's not forget Pride, the annual celebration of the LGBTQ community and its culture. So, to wrap it up, being part of the queer culture is about embracing your true self, creating your own identity, and connecting with others who get your experiences and struggles. It's about being proud of who you are and living your life authentically.
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03Dating? Just look for what you have in common
04Sex? Figure out what it means to you
05Heartbreak? It's tough, but you'll get through it
06Bisexual? It's not as easy as people think
07Discrimination? Sadly, it's likely to happen
08Conclusion
About Lindsay King-Miller
Lindsay King-Miller is a queer-identified author, advice columnist, and essayist. She is best known for her column "Ask a Queer Chick" on The Hairpin and her book of the same name. Her work primarily focuses on LGBTQ+ issues, feminism, and mental health.
