Becoming Better Grownups

02The Importance of Active Listening to Children

Have you ever wondered what we can learn from children if we truly listen to them? It's a question that might seem a bit odd at first, but it's one that Brad Montague explores in depth in his book "Becoming Better Grownups: Rediscovering What Matters and Remembering How to Fly". The key to unlocking this treasure trove of wisdom? Active listening. Active listening is more than just hearing the words that are being said. It's about fully engaging with the speaker, showing genuine interest, and responding in a way that encourages further communication. It's about putting aside our own thoughts and preconceptions and truly focusing on the speaker. When it comes to communicating with children, active listening is crucial. It shows them that their thoughts and feelings are valued and that they are being taken seriously. In one memorable example from the book, Montague recounts a conversation with a young girl who was struggling with feelings of loneliness. By actively listening to her, he was able to understand her feelings and provide her with the reassurance she needed. This simple act of listening had a profound impact on the girl, helping her feel seen and understood. Children see the world through a unique lens. Their perspectives are often unfiltered and uninhibited by the cynicism and biases that can cloud adult viewpoints. By actively listening to children, we can gain fresh insights and perspectives that we might otherwise overlook. For instance, Montague shares a story of a child who questioned why people often say "it's just a game" to downplay the importance of play. This simple question led Montague to a profound realization about the importance of play and the value of taking children's interests seriously. Children's unfiltered views and questions can lead to profound insights. They see the world in a way that is often lost to adults, and their questions can challenge our assumptions and make us see things in a new light. In one instance, a child's question about why adults often seem so serious led Montague to reflect on the importance of joy and playfulness in adulthood. Improving our listening skills is not just beneficial for our interactions with children, but can enhance all of our relationships. Some practical strategies for improving listening skills include maintaining eye contact, providing feedback, and avoiding interruptions. These strategies can help us fully engage with the speaker and show that we value their thoughts and feelings. In the book, Montague shares several examples of how these strategies can be applied in real-life situations. For instance, he recounts a conversation with a child where he made a conscious effort to maintain eye contact and provide feedback. This simple act of active listening made the child feel valued and heard, and led to a deeper and more meaningful conversation. In conclusion, active listening is a powerful tool that can enhance our relationships with children and help us gain fresh insights. So, the next time you find yourself in a conversation with a child, remember to truly listen. You might be surprised by what you learn. After all, as Montague reminds us, "Children are not just our future. They are our present."

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