Crying in H Mart
Michelle Zauner
18 min
8 Key Points
4.8 RateWhat's inside?
Dive into a heartfelt journey of a woman exploring her Korean heritage, dealing with the loss of her mother, and finding solace in food and music.
You'll learn
1. Why your roots matter2. Dealing with loss and moving on3. Food and its link to your heritage4. The ups and downs of mother-daughter bonds5. Being half Asian, half American: What's it like?6. Music: A way to express and heal.Key points
01Cooking as a family language
In Michelle Zauner's memoir, she uses the phrase "a family that speaks the language of cooking" to paint a picture of her deep connection with her mom. This bond was often expressed through the simple act of cooking, a shared love that went beyond just preparing meals. Their trips to the grocery store were more than just errands. They were adventures, a chance to explore new ingredients and dream up the dishes they could whip up together. It was like a conversation, a back-and-forth about the potential of each ingredient and how it could be mixed and matched with others to create a delicious meal. Their shopping cart was like a blank canvas, and the ingredients were their colors, each one adding to the final masterpiece that was their shared meal. Cooking was also a bridge to Zauner's Korean roots. Her mom, being Korean, introduced her to the traditional dishes of her homeland. Whether they were in their hometown in Oregon or visiting family in Seoul, they would always find local Korean restaurants. This gave Zauner a taste of the rich culinary traditions of her mom's culture. Back home in Eugene, Oregon, the changing seasons also played a role in their cooking. They would keep an eye on the seasonal produce from local farms and tweak their meals accordingly. They knew which neighbors had the freshest fish and who had the best spices. This knowledge wasn't just practical, it was a testament to their deep connection with their community and the world around them. But when Zauner's mom passed away from cancer in 2014, cooking became a painful reminder of her loss. The act of preparing meals, once a shared joy, became a lonely task filled with memories of her mom. The supermarket, once a place of shared joy and culinary exploration, became a place of sorrow. The title, "Crying in H Mart," refers to an American chain of Asian supermarkets. The name "H Mart" comes from the Korean phrase “han ah reum,” which means “groceries that can be picked up with one hand.” This title captures the heart of the book: the deep emotional connection between food, family, and cultural heritage, and the profound sense of loss when that connection is broken.
02Parent-child conflicts due to overprotection
In Michelle Zauner's memoir, she paints a vivid picture of her relationship with her mom, Chongmi. One of the main takeaways from their story is how a parent's protective instincts can sometimes lead to friction. Let's take a closer look at their relationship. Michelle and her mom both loved to cook. But their kitchen wasn't just a place for whipping up delicious meals. It was also a stage where their disagreements often took center stage. These weren't just petty squabbles about food, but deeper clashes about their views on life. Chongmi, like most moms, was always looking out for Michelle. She'd scold Michelle for small things like getting her clothes dirty on walks, getting scrapes from climbing trees, or not brushing her teeth right. These might seem like small things, but they were signs of Chongmi's deep desire to keep her daughter safe. As Michelle got older, their disagreements changed. They butted heads over things like routine and cleanliness. Michelle couldn't understand why her mom was so obsessed with dusting off knick-knacks, arranging beauty products just so, or cleaning shoes every time they were worn. But as Michelle grew up, she started to see that her mom's actions weren't about control, but about protection. Chongmi's constant reminders and corrections were her way of showing love and concern for her daughter. She wanted to make sure Michelle was safe from harm, disappointment, and pain. One of the most important lessons Chongmi taught Michelle was the 10% rule. This rule was all about taking care of yourself and keeping something back for yourself. Chongmi told Michelle to always keep 10% of herself for herself. This meant making time for alone time, following her own interests, and focusing on personal growth. Chongmi believed that by doing this, Michelle would be better prepared to face life's challenges because she'd always have herself to rely on. In the end, the disagreements between Michelle and her mom weren't just about their differences. They were also about Chongmi's desire to protect her daughter. This protective instinct, while it sometimes led to arguments, was also a sign of how much Chongmi loved Michelle.
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03Discoveries from visiting mom's homeland
04Tough choices after bad news
05Music as a relief and a problem
06Hard times improving relationships
07Quick shifts from good to bad news
08Conclusion
About Michelle Zauner
Michelle Zauner is an American musician and author, best known as the frontwoman of the indie rock band Japanese Breakfast. She gained literary acclaim with her memoir "Crying in H Mart," which explores her Korean-American identity, her mother's death, and her relationship with food.
