Get the Guy

01Stop Waiting For Destiny To Arrive

We often grow up fed a steady diet of fairy tales and romantic comedies that teach us a very dangerous lesson about love and relationships. We are told that if we just wait patiently, focus on our careers, and remain good people, our absolute soulmate will magically bump into us at a quaint local bookstore, locking eyes over a dropped novel. This passive approach to romance is what Matthew Hussey identifies as the single biggest trap in modern dating. When you leave your love life entirely up to fate, you surrender all your power. You would never apply this passive strategy to your career or your health. You do not sit on your couch hoping a dream job offer flies through the window, nor do you wait for physical fitness to randomly bestow itself upon you. Yet, when it comes to the most important decision of our lives—choosing a lifelong partner—we are conditioned to do absolutely nothing but wait. It is time to shatter the myth of destiny and realize that you are the architect of your romantic reality. You do not just wait for the right guy to appear; you actively create the environment, the mindset, and the opportunities to get the guy. To understand how to take control, we first have to look at the mathematics of dating, which Hussey brilliantly conceptualizes as the Dating Funnel. Many women complain that there are simply no good men out there, but their daily routine consists of driving from home to work, stopping at the same grocery store, and returning home. If you are only crossing paths with the same ten people every week, your chances of meeting a high-quality partner are statistically near zero. The top of your dating funnel needs to be vastly expanded. This means actively increasing the sheer volume of new people you interact with on a regular basis. You do not need to go to loud nightclubs if you hate them, but you do need to start saying yes to social invitations, joining clubs, attending workshops, and striking up conversations with strangers. The goal at the top of the funnel is not to find your future husband immediately; it is simply to invite more humans into your orbit. A wider social circle naturally leads to more introductions, more casual interactions, and a significantly higher probability of meeting someone who genuinely sparks your interest. As people enter the top of your funnel, a percentage of them will filter down into the middle stage, which involves actual interaction and casual dates. This is where the numbers game works in your favor. When you only have one prospect in your funnel, you tend to obsess over him. You overanalyze every single text message, you compromise your standards because you are terrified of losing him, and you reek of an energy that is desperate for the relationship to work out. However, when you have an abundant funnel—meaning you are actively meeting and talking to several interesting men—your entire aura changes. You become relaxed, confident, and discerning. You stop asking, "Does he like me?" and start asking, "Do I actually like him?" This shift from a mindset of scarcity to a mindset of abundance is intensely attractive to high-quality men. They can sense when a woman is choosing them out of genuine desire rather than clinging to them out of sheer desperation. Of course, the idea of actively seeking out romantic opportunities often triggers a deep-seated fear in many women. There is a persistent worry that putting effort into finding love makes you look desperate or pathetic. We need to completely reframe this toxic narrative. Taking charge of your love life is the ultimate act of self-love and empowerment! It means you value yourself enough not to settle for whatever random person happens to drift into your life. It means you are curating your romantic options with the same careful attention you give to curating your friendships or your career path. Desperation is not defined by taking action; desperation is defined by accepting poor treatment because you are afraid of being alone. By adopting a proactive mindset, you are declaring that you are a high-value woman who is willing to put in the work to find a partner who truly matches your level. Consider the common scenario of attending a friend's dinner party. The passive dater goes to the party, sits quietly in the corner, talks only to the three people she already knows, and goes home disappointed that she did not meet anyone special. The active dater, armed with Hussey's philosophy, walks into that same party with a completely different objective. She introduces herself to the people she does not know, she asks engaging questions, she connects people with one another, and she radiates a warm, inviting energy. Even if she does not meet a single eligible bachelor at that specific party, she has practiced her social skills, expanded her network, and left a positive impression on people who might have a single brother, friend, or colleague to introduce her to later. Every interaction is a seed planted for future opportunities. Ultimately, shedding the passive mindset requires a commitment to living a bigger, more expansive life. It requires stepping outside of your comfort zone, embracing a bit of social friction, and accepting that rejection or awkward moments are just natural speed bumps on the road to success. Fate is a lovely concept for poetry, but it is a terrible strategy for dating. By taking the reins, expanding your social funnel, and treating your love life with the proactive energy it deserves, you instantly elevate yourself above the millions of people who are still staring out the window, quietly hoping that their prince will mysteriously find his way to their door.