Humble Inquiry, Second Edition

02The Power Dynamics of Asking vs Telling

In the bustling office of a tech startup, the CEO strides into a meeting room where a group of developers are huddled around a whiteboard, deep in discussion. The CEO, without missing a beat, begins to dictate a new direction for the project, effectively silencing the room. This is a classic example of 'telling' in action, a communication style that reinforces existing power structures and can stifle open dialogue. Telling, as explored in "Humble Inquiry, Second Edition: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling" by Edgar H. Schein and Peter A. Schein, is often associated with authority. It's the boss dictating tasks to their employees, the teacher instructing their students, or the parent laying down the law for their child. While this approach can be effective in certain situations, it can also discourage open communication. When people feel they are being told what to do, they may be less likely to share their thoughts, ideas, or concerns. This can lead to a lack of engagement, creativity, and innovation, particularly in a workplace setting. Telling also perpetuates hierarchical structures within an organization. When leaders consistently tell rather than ask, it sends a message that their ideas and opinions are more valuable than those of their subordinates. This can create a culture of compliance rather than collaboration, where employees simply follow orders rather than contributing their unique perspectives and skills. On the flip side, asking is a powerful tool for promoting equality and mutual respect. When a leader asks for input, it signals that they value the thoughts and opinions of others. This can foster a more inclusive and collaborative environment, where everyone feels heard and valued. Asking can also lead to a better understanding of others' perspectives and experiences, which can inform decision-making and problem-solving. In the book, the authors provide several practical examples that illustrate these concepts. For instance, they describe a situation where a manager, instead of telling a team member what to do, asks for their thoughts on how to approach a problem. This not only empowers the team member but also leads to a more effective solution, as the manager gains insight into the team member's unique perspective and expertise. So, how can we apply these concepts in our own interactions? It starts with being mindful of our communication style and making a conscious effort to ask more and tell less. This doesn't mean we should never tell - there are certainly situations where telling is necessary and appropriate. But by leaning more towards asking, we can foster a more open, inclusive, and innovative environment, whether in the workplace, at home, or in our broader communities. In conclusion, the power dynamics of asking versus telling have significant implications for how we communicate and interact with others. By understanding these dynamics and making a conscious effort to ask more and tell less, we can promote a more inclusive, collaborative, and innovative culture. So, the next time you're in a meeting, at a family dinner, or in a classroom, consider the power of asking. You might be surprised at what you learn.

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