It's OK That You're Not OK
Megan Devine
15 min
7 Key Points
4.6 RateWhat's inside?
Explore a compassionate guide to dealing with grief and loss in a society that often misunderstands and rushes the healing process.
You'll learn
1. Getting to grips with grief2. Dealing with loss in a world that doesn't get it3. Handy tips to handle grief4. How to help a grieving friend5. Self-care when you're grieving6. Finding your mojo after a big loss.Key points
01The more we love, the harder we grieve. It's a sign of how much we cared
The idea that our grief is a reflection of the love we've shared is a powerful one. It's like saying the deeper our sorrow, the deeper our love was for the person we've lost. Let's take a look at a real-life example. Megan Devine, a psychotherapist, lost her husband just three days shy of his 40th birthday in 2009. Despite her professional background, she was blindsided by the intensity of her grief. It was a clear mirror of the deep love and connection she had with her husband. This tragic event made her realize that the usual ways we deal with grief just don't cut it. She noticed that people often misunderstand, judge, or even ignore those who are grieving. This is because we often see grief as a problem to be fixed or a sickness to be healed, not a natural reaction to loss. Devine's own journey through grief led her to a new understanding. She began to see grief not as a problem, but as a testament to love. The pain of loss is the cost we pay for the joy and connection we had with the person we've lost. This view allows us to see grief as a normal part of life, not something to be rushed or avoided. Devine encourages us to see grief as a part of being human. She suggests that we need to learn the skills and compassion to navigate through loss. This starts with understanding what grief really is and learning to love better when we're hurting. In short, the experience of loss and grief is a tribute to the love and friendship we've had in life. It's a painful but natural reaction to losing someone we deeply care about. By understanding this, we can learn to navigate our grief with compassion and wisdom, and help others on their journey through loss.
02When you're grieving, you don't need advice. You just need a friend
When someone you know is hurting from a loss, what's your first instinct? To comfort them, right? We often try to soothe their pain with well-meaning words like "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place now." But here's the thing - these words, while meant to help, can sometimes do more harm than good. They can make the person feel like their grief is being minimized or even denied. It can make them feel even more alone in their pain. Here's a different way to think about it. Grief isn't a problem that needs fixing. It's a natural reaction to loss. It's a deep, emotional response that doesn't fit neatly into stages or timelines. Some losses are so big, so life-altering, that they can't be turned into something positive. They just are. And they hurt. So, what does someone who's grieving really need? Not advice. Not correction. They need companionship. They need someone who can sit with them in their pain, acknowledge their loss, and validate their feelings. They need someone who can witness their grief without trying to lessen it or hurry them through it. This doesn't mean that grief is something to be stuck in forever. It's a process that needs to be navigated at its own pace, in its own way. It needs patience, understanding, and compassion from both the person who's grieving and those who are there to support them. We need to shift our thinking about grief. Instead of seeing loss as something to be avoided or quickly moved past, we should accept it as a part of life and love. By doing this, we can start to support those who are grieving in a healthier, more compassionate way. In short, we need to be better companions to those who are grieving. We need to sit with them, listen to their stories, and validate their experiences. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is simply to be there, offering our presence and our compassion, rather than our advice or solutions.
Continue reading with LeapAhead app
Full summary is waiting for you in the app
03Trying to comfort a grieving person with cliches can hurt more than it helps
04Society doesn't really get grief, which can make it even harder to deal with
05It's okay to feel your grief. You don't have to be completely okay or completely broken
06Recognizing your loss can help you cope with your new reality
07Conclusion
About Megan Devine
Megan Devine is a psychotherapist, writer, grief advocate, and the founder of Refuge in Grief, a hub for grief education and outreach, where she leads people through some of the most devastating times of their lives. She's known for her practical, no-nonsense approach to grief and loss.
