Manual para no morir de amor

01What's obsessive love all about?

You're head over heels in love. You can't stop thinking about them, every little thing they do is adorable, and you want to spend every waking moment with them. Sounds familiar, right? But what happens when this infatuation crosses the line into obsession? This is the dark side of love that Walter Riso explores in his book "Manual para no morir de amor: (Diez principios de supervivencia afectiva)". Love, in its purest form, is a beautiful thing. It brings joy, contentment, and a sense of belonging. It's that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you're with someone who truly understands and appreciates you. But like a coin, love has two sides. When it turns into an obsession, it can become a destructive force that wreaks havoc on your emotional well-being. Obsessive love is like a parasite that feeds on your happiness. It creates unhealthy dependencies and can lead to emotional suffering. For instance, you might find yourself constantly checking your phone for messages from your loved one, or feeling anxious when they're not around. You might even start neglecting your own needs and interests in favor of theirs. This is not love; it's obsession. To understand the difference between healthy love and obsessive love, think of it like a garden. Healthy love is like a well-tended garden, where both partners contribute equally to its growth and maintenance. There's a balance of giving and receiving, and both individuals have their own space to grow. On the other hand, obsessive love is like a garden overrun by weeds. One person is doing all the work, while the other is taking over the space, stifling the growth of the other. The consequences of obsessive love can be severe. It can lead to emotional suffering, such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. For example, you might start doubting your worth if your loved one doesn't respond to your messages immediately, or you might feel a constant sense of dread that they might leave you. These are not signs of a healthy relationship; they're signs of an obsessive one. Recognizing and dealing with obsessive love can be challenging, but it's not impossible. According to Riso, understanding the psychological theories behind obsessive love can be a good starting point. For instance, attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with our caregivers can influence our adult relationships. If you had an insecure attachment style as a child, you might be more prone to obsessive love as an adult. Once you recognize the signs of obsessive love, the next step is to deal with it. Riso suggests setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help if necessary. Remember, it's okay to love someone, but it's not okay to lose yourself in the process. In conclusion, obsessive love is a destructive force that can lead to emotional suffering. It's important to strive for healthy love, where there's a balance of giving and receiving, and both individuals have their own space to grow. If you find yourself in an obsessive love situation, don't hesitate to seek help. After all, love should bring joy, not pain.