NurtureShock

01The Impact of Praise on Children: A Critical Analysis

We've all been there, right? Little Johnny brings home a drawing from school, and we exclaim, "Wow, you're such a great artist!" Or perhaps, little Susie solves a math problem, and we cheer, "You're so smart!" It's a common belief that praise is the magic potion that boosts children's self-esteem and motivation. But what if I told you that this well-intentioned praise might not be as beneficial as we think? This is the counterintuitive argument presented by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman in their book "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children." Praise, as it turns out, is a double-edged sword. On one side, it can indeed boost children's self-esteem and motivation. But on the other side, when used excessively or inappropriately, it can have the opposite effect. It's like a sugary treat - a little bit can be a delightful reward, but too much can lead to a stomachache. When children are constantly told they're smart or talented, they may start to doubt their abilities when they encounter difficulties. The praise sets a high bar, and when they fail to meet it, their self-esteem takes a hit. They might think, "If I'm so smart, why can't I solve this problem?" Moreover, children who are showered with praise may become dependent on external validation, losing their intrinsic motivation. They might start doing things not because they enjoy them or because they want to learn, but because they want to hear the praise. Bronson and Merryman illustrate this point with a study involving fifth graders. The children were given a set of puzzles to solve. Some were praised for their intelligence ("You must be smart at this"), while others were praised for their effort ("You must have worked really hard"). When given a choice, the children praised for their intelligence were less likely to choose a challenging task for fear of not appearing smart. In contrast, those praised for their effort were more likely to choose a challenging task, seeing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. The authors also argue that constant praise can make children risk-averse and less resilient. The fear of failure and not living up to the praise can limit their opportunities for learning and growth. They might avoid taking on challenges or trying new things, preferring to stay in their comfort zone where they know they can succeed. And when they do encounter failure or setbacks, they may not have the skills to cope with them, having been shielded by the protective bubble of praise. But it's not all doom and gloom. The authors emphasize the power of appropriate praise - praise that is specific, sincere, and focused on effort and progress rather than innate ability. This type of praise can foster a growth mindset, encouraging children to see challenges as opportunities for learning rather than threats to their self-esteem. It can also promote a healthy sense of self-esteem and motivation, rooted in their own efforts and achievements rather than external validation. In one study, children who were praised for their strategies and progress showed more persistence, enjoyment, and improvement on a task compared to children who were praised for their intelligence or not praised at all. This shows that it's not praise per se that's problematic, but the type and focus of the praise. So, the next time little Johnny brings home a drawing or little Susie solves a math problem, instead of saying, "You're such a great artist!" or "You're so smart!", try saying, "I can see you put a lot of effort into this!" or "You worked really hard to solve that problem!" You might be surprised at the difference it makes. After all, isn't it more important to raise children who are resilient, motivated, and willing to take on challenges, rather than children who are simply good at collecting praise?