Owning Your Own Shadow

02How is the shadow formed in childhood?

Remember when you were a kid and you did something wrong, like breaking a vase or eating a cookie before dinner? You probably felt a pang of guilt, right? And when your parents asked who did it, you might have pointed at your sibling or the dog, or maybe you even invented an imaginary friend who was the real culprit. This is a simple example of how we start to form our 'shadow' - a concept from Robert A. Johnson's book "Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche". The 'shadow' is a part of our psyche that holds all the things we don't want to acknowledge about ourselves - our flaws, our fears, our unacceptable thoughts and feelings. It's like a storage room where we hide everything we don't want others to see. But how does this shadow form, especially during our childhood? Societal norms play a significant role in shaping our shadow. Imagine society as a big, strict teacher who tells us what's right and wrong, what's acceptable and what's not. For instance, a child might be taught that expressing anger is not acceptable. So, every time they feel angry, they suppress it, tuck it away into their shadow. Over time, this anger becomes a part of their shadow, influencing their behavior in ways they might not even realize. Parental expectations also contribute to the formation of the shadow. Parents, with all their love and good intentions, might expect their child to always be happy and cheerful. But what happens when the child feels sad or angry? They learn to hide these 'unacceptable' feelings, to push them into their shadow. This way, these suppressed feelings become a part of the child's shadow, subtly influencing their behavior and emotional responses. Personal experiences, particularly traumatic or negative ones, can also contribute to the formation of the shadow. A child who experiences bullying might repress feelings of vulnerability and fear. Instead of dealing with these emotions, they push them into their shadow, where they continue to influence the child's behavior and emotional responses. Repression into the unconscious is a defense mechanism that allows us to avoid dealing with uncomfortable or painful emotions, thoughts, or behaviors. It's like sweeping dust under the rug - out of sight, out of mind. But these repressed aspects don't just disappear. They form the shadow, which can influence our behavior and emotional responses in ways we are not consciously aware of. So, how is the shadow formed in childhood? It's a combination of societal norms, parental expectations, personal experiences, and our own defense mechanisms. It's a process of pushing 'unacceptable' aspects of ourselves into our shadow, where they continue to influence us in ways we might not even realize. Reflecting on our own shadows can be a challenging but enlightening process. It can help us understand why we behave the way we do, why certain things trigger us, and how we can become more whole and integrated individuals. So, next time you find yourself reacting in a way that surprises you, take a moment to consider - could this be a part of your shadow showing itself?

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