Relationship Goals
Michael Todd
42 min
8 Key Points
4.5 RateWhat's inside?
Explore practical strategies and insightful advice on building successful relationships, from dating to marriage and maintaining a healthy sex life.
You'll learn
1. Why you need real and doable love goals2. Talking right in love3. Keeping your marriage fresh and fun4. Sex and closeness: What's the deal?5. Beating relationship bumps6. Loving yourself for a better love life.Key points
01Unmasking the Illusion of Perfect Coupleness
We are constantly bombarded by an endless stream of curated images showcasing couples in matching outfits, vacationing on pristine beaches, and looking flawlessly happy. It is so easy to double-tap a photo accompanied by the hashtag #RelationshipGoals and suddenly feel a deep pang of inadequacy about our own romantic lives. But what exactly are we aiming for when we use that phrase? The reality behind those highly edited squares is often far messier, far more complicated, and far less glamorous than we want to admit. Michael Todd challenges us right out of the gate to question the very foundation of our desires. When our relationship goals are entirely based on aesthetics, public validation, or the fear of being alone, we are essentially building a house on a foundation of loose sand. A gentle breeze of conflict or a sudden storm of financial stress is all it takes to bring that beautiful, superficial structure crashing down. To truly understand what it means to succeed in love, we have to completely redefine our targets. Think about a time when you saw a couple arguing quietly in the corner of a restaurant, or perhaps a moment when you witnessed an elderly couple sitting in comfortable silence on a park bench. Those moments rarely make it to social media, yet they represent the gritty, enduring reality of human connection. The author emphasizes that true relationship goals are not about achieving a flawless image, but rather about aligning your partnership with a deeply rooted, God-given purpose. Society teaches us that love is a feeling, a sudden spark that hits you out of nowhere and sustains itself purely on passion. However, anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that feelings are incredibly fickle. They change with our moods, our stress levels, and even our physical health. If your goal is simply to "feel good" all the time, you are setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Consider the everyday scenario of an average Tuesday evening. You are both exhausted from work, the kitchen sink is full of dishes, and neither of you has the energy to cook. The societal #RelationshipGoals narrative has no script for this moment. It only knows how to handle the glamorous date nights. But a purpose-driven relationship thrives precisely in these mundane moments. It is the mutual decision to order a pizza, laugh at the chaos, and extend grace to one another when you are both operating at ten percent battery. Todd points out that we need a profound paradigm shift. Instead of asking, "How can this person make me look better or feel happier?" we should be asking, "How can we come together to serve a higher purpose and support each other's ultimate growth?" This shift from a consumer mindset to a contributor mindset is the master key to unlocking a love that actually lasts. When we strip away the filters, we are forced to confront our own deep-seated insecurities. Why do we crave the validation of others so desperately? Often, it is because we lack a solid sense of identity and self-worth. We mistakenly believe that a romantic partner will act as a magic mirror, reflecting back to us a whole, healed, and perfect version of ourselves. But another human being is entirely incapable of bearing the heavy burden of your personal fulfillment. They will eventually drop it, not because they are malicious, but because they are human. The book encourages us to look inward before we ever look outward. It asks us to take a brave, honest inventory of what we actually bring to the table. Are you emotionally available? Are you capable of handling conflict without resorting to manipulation or shutting down? Are your goals rooted in character, integrity, and mutual respect, or are they purely aesthetic? The journey toward genuine relationship goals requires a radical commitment to authenticity. It means having the courage to show up as your real, unpolished self and allowing another person to see the cracks in your armor. It is incredibly vulnerable to admit that you do not have it all together, but that vulnerability is the very soil in which true intimacy grows. As we navigate the modern dating landscape, filled with endless options and the constant illusion of something better just one swipe away, committing to a deeper purpose acts as an anchor. It keeps you grounded when the cultural tides try to sweep you out into a sea of superficiality. By consciously choosing to reject the shallow, image-obsessed narrative of modern romance, you open the door to a connection that is rich, resilient, and profoundly beautiful in its imperfection. This is the first and most critical step: waking up from the illusion and choosing to pursue a reality that is actually worth fighting for.
02The Hidden Power of Intentional Singleness
Society has a strange and deeply unhelpful habit of treating singleness like a contagious disease that needs to be cured as quickly as humanly possible. From the well-meaning but intrusive questions from relatives at holiday dinners to the targeted advertisements for dating apps that flood our screens, the message is loud and clear: you are incomplete until you find your other half. Yet, this season of being unattached is actually the most critical, transformative period of personal growth you will ever experience if you choose to use it correctly. Michael Todd introduces a revolutionary concept that flips the traditional narrative entirely upside down. Singleness is not a frustrating waiting room where you sit idly, flipping through old magazines until your name is called. Instead, it is a vibrant, active season of preparation, self-discovery, and profound personal development. Let us pause and really think about the terrifying mathematics of the phrase "my other half." If you view yourself as a half-person, and you are desperately searching for another half-person to make you whole, you are setting the stage for a deeply toxic, codependent dynamic. Two halves do not make a healthy, thriving relationship; they make a hostage situation. Each person becomes entirely dependent on the other for their basic emotional survival, which inevitably leads to resentment, jealousy, and immense pressure. The author argues that healthy relationship math is actually one plus one equals two. You must be a complete, whole, and functioning individual standing on your own two feet before you can successfully unite with someone else. Singleness is the designated time to become that whole number. It is the time to figure out what you actually like, what your core values are, and what unique purpose you are meant to fulfill in this world. Think about the everyday scenario of moving into a new apartment by yourself. For the first time, you have to decide where the furniture goes, what art hangs on the walls, and what groceries fill the fridge, without compromising with anyone else. This physical independence mirrors the emotional independence you must cultivate during your single years. When you are single, you have the unprecedented luxury of undivided attention. You can invest deeply in your education, your career, your passions, and your spiritual growth without the constant necessity of factoring in another person's needs or schedule. Todd shares his own personal reflections on this, noting that many people rush into relationships simply because they are terrified of being alone with their own thoughts. They use romantic entanglements as a constant distraction from their own unhealed wounds or lack of direction. But when you bravely face the quietness of solitude, you give yourself the gift of true self-awareness. Loneliness is, without a doubt, a very real and painful emotion. There are Friday nights when the silence in your home feels deafening, and the desire for companionship aches in your chest. But loneliness should never be the driving force behind your romantic decisions. When you shop for groceries on an empty stomach, you end up buying a cart full of junk food that you will regret later. Similarly, when you date from a place of intense emotional starvation, you are highly likely to settle for toxic, unfulfilling relationships simply because they offer a temporary crumb of affection. Winning at the season of singleness means learning how to feed yourself emotionally and spiritually. It involves building a robust, supportive community of friends, mentors, and family members who enrich your life. A romantic partner should be a wonderful addition to an already full life, not the sole source of your happiness. Furthermore, this season is the perfect time to establish your personal boundaries and non-negotiables. When you are not clouded by the intoxicating chemicals of a new romance, you can think clearly about what you will and will not tolerate in the future. You can objectively look at your past mistakes, analyze the red flags you previously ignored, and make a firm commitment to yourself never to lower your standards again. The author emphasizes that God often uses the wilderness of singleness to strip away our unhealthy dependencies and refine our character. It is a time of becoming the right person, rather than just obsessively looking for the right person. If you can learn to find joy, peace, and purpose in your own company, you become virtually immune to the desperate, settling mindset that traps so many people in miserable marriages. Embrace this time. Guard it fiercely. Invest in yourself so heavily that when the right person finally does come along, you are bringing a whole, healthy, and vibrant individual to the table, ready to build an empire together rather than just leaning on each other for survival.
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03Why True Friendship Must Precede Romance
04Dating with Unapologetic Clarity and Purpose
05Unpacking the Heavy Baggage of Heartbreak
06The Invisible Threads of Deep Attachments
07Choosing a Covenant Over a Contract
08Conclusion
About Michael Todd
Michael Todd is a renowned pastor and speaker, leading the Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Known for his dynamic and relatable preaching, he has gained a large online following. His teachings focus on relationships, purpose, and understanding God's plan.
