Sex at Dawn
Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jethá
18 min
7 Key Points
4.1 RateWhat's inside?
Explore the origins of human sexuality and its impact on modern relationships, challenging conventional beliefs and offering fresh perspectives on love and intimacy.
You'll learn
1. Why did humans start having sex?2. How does being in a one-partner or multiple-partner relationship affect society?3. What makes people cheat?4. How did cavemen relationships shape ours today?5. Why is talking and understanding each other key to a good relationship?6. How can we use these facts to better our own love lives?Key points
01Not knowing enough about sex can ruin marriages
Let's dive into the deep end of the pool that is human sexuality and its impact on relationships, especially the sacred institution of marriage. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, the brains behind this exploration, believe that a lot of marriages hit the rocks because we don't really understand or know enough about sexuality. Now, let's rewind a bit. From the time we're kids, we're told that being with one person for life is the way to go. Our sexual experiences should be limited to the person we're committed to or married to. But Ryan and Jethá throw a curveball at this idea. They say this whole monogamy thing is pretty new, only about 10,000 years old. Before we started pairing off, we lived in tight-knit groups where everything, including sexual pleasure, was shared. Now, they're not saying we should all start living in communes and sharing partners. What they're trying to say is that our current rules about sex might not match up with our evolutionary past. This mismatch, they believe, can cause problems in relationships. Take, for example, the high number of American women who report sexual dysfunction. Or the fact that Viagra, a drug for erectile dysfunction, is selling like hotcakes. These are signs that a lot of people are having a tough time with their sex lives. Ryan and Jethá think this isn't because of personal issues, but because society hasn't done a good job teaching us about sex. And then there's the elephant in the room - the porn industry. It's raking in more money than major TV networks combined, with estimated annual revenue between $57 billion and $100 billion. This suggests that a lot of people are looking for sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, maybe because their needs or desires aren't being met. Ryan and Jethá argue that we shouldn't ignore or suppress our sexual desires. Instead, we should try to understand them. This understanding can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. By acknowledging and exploring our desires, we can navigate our relationships better and maybe avoid the dissatisfaction and discord that often leads to breakups. In a nutshell, Ryan and Jethá believe that a lot of marriages fail because we don't understand human sexuality well enough, thanks to societal norms and expectations. By getting a better grasp of our sexual desires and needs, we can work towards healthier, more satisfying relationships.
02Even Darwin, the genius, didn't know much about sex
"Despite his brilliance, Darwin was a bit clueless when it came to the birds and the bees." This is a critique of Charles Darwin's understanding of human sexuality, as presented in his works. Darwin, the famous naturalist and biologist, is best known for his theory of evolution by natural selection. But when it came to understanding human sexual behavior, he was a bit off the mark. Darwin's ideas about human sexuality were heavily influenced by the societal norms and beliefs of his time. He bought into Thomas Hobbes's description of prehistoric human life as "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." This viewpoint, which is still common in many modern theories of human sexuality, paints a rather grim picture of prehistoric sexual encounters. It's like imagining a caveman dragging a woman by her hair, club in hand, suggesting a lack of consent and a dominance of male over female. In Darwin's writings, he painted women as shy and reserved, while men were the go-getters. He suggested that a woman's job was to dodge a man's advances, and that this shyness was a key factor in successful mating. While this might be true for some animals, it doesn't necessarily apply to humans or our closest primate relatives. Darwin also guessed that early humans were polygynous, with one guy mating with multiple gals. He based this guess on his observations of his male buddies, many of whom chased after several women at the same time. He wrote that indigenous people lived in small communities where the stronger men had as many wives as they could get and support. But Darwin's understanding of human sexuality was limited by his own personal experiences. His sexual experience was limited to his wife, Emma Wedgwood, who was also his first cousin. Darwin was a product of his time, a period marked by strict sexual propriety. He was so reserved that he couldn't even acknowledge the existence of sexual desire. This prudishness is clear in his theoretical approach to sexual matters. For example, his notes on the benefits of marriage suggest that a man might want kids as loyal companions in old age and objects of love. He even compared a kid to a dog in terms of companionship, but concluded that a kid was superior. However, he viewed conversation with women, a crucial part of marital life, as a waste of time. In conclusion, while Darwin was a genius scientist who made significant contributions to our understanding of evolution, his understanding of human sexuality was limited and flawed. His views were shaped by the societal norms of his time and his own personal experiences, which didn't provide a comprehensive or accurate picture of human sexual behavior.
03Being sexually exclusive is key to knowing who the dad is
04Our ancestors knew about "partible paternity" - a kid can have more than one dad
05Our ancestors probably had a lot of sex outside of marriage
06Our ancestors had to share everything, even sexual partners
07Conclusion
About Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jethá
Christopher Ryan is a psychologist, speaker, and author specializing in human sexuality. Cacilda Jethá is a practicing psychiatrist, cultural anthropologist, and author with a focus on human sexuality and relationships. Together, they co-authored the book "Sex at Dawn".
