Straight Jacket

02"Growing up gay: a tough ride"

Growing up gay can be tough, as many of us know all too well. It often starts in childhood, when we first realize we're different from our friends. This usually happens before we even understand what sexuality is, when we notice that we don't quite fit into the boxes society has set for boys and girls. Our parents are a big part of how we see ourselves, especially when we're young. From the moment we're born, we're wired to connect with our parents. This connection is built in two main ways: 1. Mirroring: This is when our parents show us our own feelings. Like when a baby smiles, and their parents smile back, hug them, and show them love. This back-and-forth of feelings makes the bond between parent and child stronger and helps the child feel happy and safe. 2. Shame: Parents also use shame to teach us about what's acceptable in society. They might tell us off for touching something hot or for saying a bad word. This kind of shame is good and needed because it helps us understand that we're not perfect and that it's okay to mess up. But there's another kind of shame that's not so good. It's called toxic shame, and it can really hurt a child's self-esteem. Toxic shame happens when parents, often without meaning to, make their child feel like they're bad or wrong, not just their actions. This can happen for lots of reasons, like if the parents are dealing with their own mental health problems, money worries, or just plain tiredness. Some people even think that toxic shame can be passed down from one generation to the next. Toxic shame can be especially harmful for gay kids. When parents notice their child is different, they might, without even realizing it, make the child feel ashamed. This can happen even if the parents don't say anything negative, because kids are really good at picking up on their parents' feelings and unspoken messages. Once toxic shame gets a hold, it's really hard to get rid of. Kids often see their parents as the ultimate authority. So, if a boy feels shamed for not liking "boy things" like football, or for not being aggressive, he might take this shame to heart and see it as a personal failure, not just a matter of personal taste. As they get older and start to understand their sexuality, gay people often find that who they're attracted to doesn't match up with what society expects. This can lead to a deep sense of shame that becomes a part of who they are. Even though there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, many LGBT people feel ashamed because society has strict ideas about what's "normal". This is just the start of their journey to self-acceptance and standing up for their right to be themselves.

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