The Anatomy of Peace

02Are You Treating People as Objects?

Beneath every action we take lies a deeper, often unspoken motivation that dictates how our actions are received. This underlying foundation is what the authors call our "way of being," and it changes absolutely everything about how we navigate the world. To truly understand why we clash with the people around us, we have to look past our superficial behaviors and examine the lens through which we view humanity. Are we looking at the world through a lens that humanizes others, or are we looking through a lens that dehumanizes them? Yusuf and Avi explain to the bewildered parents at Camp Moriah that there are really only two ways of being in any given moment. We are either seeing people as people, or we are seeing people as objects. This concept is heavily inspired by the philosopher Martin Buber, who famously described human relationships in two categories: "I-Thou" and "I-It." When we are in an "I-Thou" state, we recognize the profound, inherent value of the other person. We understand that they have a rich inner life, filled with anxieties, dreams, physical pains, and emotional burdens. But when we slip into an "I-It" state, we strip away their humanity. We reduce them to mere things that occupy space in our world. Seeing someone as an object does not necessarily mean we are treating them with obvious cruelty. In fact, objectification happens in incredibly mundane, everyday ways. According to the teachings at Camp Moriah, there are three distinct categories of objects that we turn people into: vehicles, obstacles, and irrelevancies. Let us break these down, because recognizing these patterns in your own life is a profoundly eye-opening experience. First, consider how often we treat people as vehicles. A vehicle is simply a mechanism you use to get from point A to point B. When you view someone as a vehicle, you only value them for what they can do for you. Think about your interactions in a busy restaurant. Do you see the waiter as a human being who might be exhausted from working a double shift, who has a family at home, and who is trying their best? Or do you see them merely as a food-delivery vehicle? If they bring your food quickly and accurately, they are a "good" vehicle. If they make a mistake or move too slowly, they become a defective vehicle, and you feel entirely justified in your irritation. In the workplace, managers frequently treat their employees as vehicles. They view their team members not as individuals with unique talents and struggles, but merely as cogs in a machine designed to produce a quarterly profit. When people are treated as vehicles, they feel used, unappreciated, and deeply resentful. Second, we frequently turn people into obstacles. An obstacle is something that stands in the way of what we want. Think about your daily commute. When you are driving on the highway and someone cuts you off or drives too slowly in the fast lane, how do you react? Do you think, "Oh, that person must be lost," or "Perhaps they are a new driver feeling nervous"? Rarely! Instead, your heart goes to war. That driver becomes an obstacle preventing you from reaching your destination on time. You might yell, honk your horn, or grip the steering wheel in anger. In that split second, you have completely erased their humanity. You do not see a mother driving her child to school, or an elderly man struggling with his vision. You only see a piece of metal blocking your path. We do this in our homes, too. A child asking for help with homework when you are trying to watch your favorite television show suddenly becomes an obstacle to your relaxation. A spouse who wants to discuss the budget when you are tired becomes an obstacle to your peace and quiet. Lastly, and perhaps most insidiously, we treat people as irrelevancies. An irrelevancy is someone who can neither help us nor hinder us, so we treat them as if they do not exist at all. Have you ever walked past a janitor sweeping the floor of your office building without so much as a nod of acknowledgment? Have you ever stood in an elevator with a stranger, staring blankly at your phone to avoid making eye contact? In these moments, we are actively deciding that these individuals are not worth our time or psychological energy. We render them invisible. This subtle form of arrogance diminishes our own humanity just as much as it diminishes theirs. Lou Herbert sits in the classroom, absorbing these three categories, and a heavy realization begins to crush him. He reflects on his company. He realizes he has spent his entire career treating his employees as vehicles to build his empire. When they perform well, he uses them. When they fail, he fires them. He thinks about his competitors. He has always viewed them as obstacles to be ruthlessly crushed at any cost. Most painfully, he thinks about his wife, Carol. Over the years, as their marriage deteriorated, he stopped seeing her as the vibrant, loving woman he married. She became an obstacle to his career ambitions, constantly nagging him to come home early. Eventually, she became an irrelevancy. He would sit at the dinner table, totally ignoring her attempts to connect, lost in his own world of business strategies. And then there is Cory. Lou realizes he viewed his own son as a defective vehicle. Cory was supposed to be the vehicle for Lou's legacy, the smart, athletic boy who would make Lou look like a successful father. When Cory started doing drugs, he became an obstacle to Lou's reputation. This is the tragedy of the heart at war. When we view people as objects, we invite immense conflict into our lives because people inherently know when they are being objectified. They can feel the coldness. They can feel the lack of genuine care. And human beings will instinctively rebel against being treated like things. If you want to begin resolving the deepest conflicts in your life, you must start by asking yourself a very uncomfortable question: In this specific relationship, am I seeing this person as a human being with a beating heart, or have I reduced them to a vehicle, an obstacle, or an irrelevancy? The moment you choose to see their humanity, the entire dynamic begins to shift.

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