The Anxious Perfectionist
Clarissa W. Ong PhD , Michael P. Twohig PhD
23 min
7 Key Points
5 RateWhat's inside?
Explore practical strategies to overcome anxiety caused by perfectionism, using the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
You'll learn
1. What's the connection between being a perfectionist and feeling anxious?2. How to chill out when perfectionism gets you stressed3. The basics of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)4. Learning to be kinder to yourself and ditch self-judgment5. How to be okay with not being perfect and feel less anxious6. Tips for boosting your mental health and feeling good overall.Key points
01Understanding the Connection between Perfectionism and Anxiety
Ever had one of those days where you're constantly checking and rechecking your work, making sure every detail is just right? Or maybe you've spent hours preparing for a presentation, only to worry that it's not good enough? If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with perfectionism-driven anxiety. Perfectionism is like that nagging voice in your head that keeps telling you, "It's not good enough. You can do better." It's the constant striving for flawlessness, the setting of excessively high performance standards, and the tendency to be overly critical of oneself. Now, imagine this voice playing on repeat, day in and day out. It's no surprise that this can lead to anxiety. It's like being stuck on a hamster wheel, running faster and faster but never really getting anywhere. But here's the thing: not all perfectionism is created equal. Some people might strive for perfection in their work, while others might be perfectionists in their personal relationships. Some might even have perfectionistic tendencies in multiple areas of their lives. Each type of perfectionism can lead to anxiety in different ways. For instance, a work-related perfectionist might constantly worry about making mistakes, while a relationship-focused perfectionist might constantly worry about disappointing others. Anxiety, in turn, can show up in various ways among perfectionists. It could be a constant feeling of unease, a racing heart, or even physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches. The way anxiety manifests can be influenced by various factors, including the individual's personality, their environment, and their coping mechanisms. The impact of perfectionism-driven anxiety on an individual's life and well-being can be significant. It can strain personal relationships, as the perfectionist might constantly seek validation or reassurance from others. It can also affect work performance, as the fear of making mistakes might lead to procrastination or avoidance of tasks. Moreover, it can take a toll on mental health, leading to conditions like depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder. So, what can be done about it? One potential solution is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). In simple terms, ACT is about accepting what is out of your personal control and committing to actions that improve and enrich your life. It's about learning to let go of the struggle with pain, being mindfully aware of the present moment, and acting on what matters most to you. By applying these principles, individuals can learn to manage their perfectionism-driven anxiety. In conclusion, perfectionism and anxiety are closely intertwined. The constant striving for flawlessness can lead to a cycle of anxiety, which can have significant impacts on an individual's life and well-being. But remember, help is available. If you identify with the scenarios discussed in this article, don't hesitate to seek help. You don't have to navigate this journey alone.
02Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Ever felt like you're constantly chasing an elusive standard of perfection, only to be met with anxiety when you fall short? That's what we call perfectionism-driven anxiety. It's like being on a treadmill that's always just a bit too fast, no matter how hard you try to keep up. But what if we told you there's a way to step off that treadmill? Enter Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). ACT is like a friendly guide helping you navigate through the maze of your thoughts and feelings. It doesn't try to change or eliminate your anxious thoughts. Instead, it teaches you to accept them, to coexist with them, and to not let them dictate your actions. The goal? To help you live a more fulfilling life, not despite your anxiety, but alongside it. ACT is built around six core processes. Think of them as six steps on a journey towards a more mindful and accepting way of living. First up is Acceptance. This isn't about resigning yourself to a life of anxiety. It's about embracing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It's like inviting your anxiety to sit with you at a table, acknowledging its presence, but not letting it steal your meal. Next is Cognitive Defusion. This is about detaching from unhelpful thoughts. Imagine your mind as a radio. Cognitive defusion is like turning down the volume on the anxiety station, so it doesn't drown out the other stations playing. Being Present is the third process. It's about focusing on the current moment, not ruminating over past mistakes or worrying about future ones. It's like taking a deep breath and immersing yourself in the here and now. Fourth is Self as Context. This is about viewing yourself as separate from your thoughts and feelings. You are not your anxiety. You're the sky, and your thoughts and feelings are just clouds passing by. Values come next. These are your guiding principles in life, the things that truly matter to you. It's like setting your compass to your true north, not to the direction your anxiety is pushing you towards. Finally, there's Committed Action. This is about taking steps towards living according to your values, even if anxiety tries to steer you off course. It's like walking your path, one step at a time, guided by your compass. Now, how does all this apply to perfectionism-driven anxiety? Well, perfectionism can often lead to anxiety because it sets unrealistic standards that are impossible to meet. ACT can help manage this anxiety by teaching you to accept your perfectionist thoughts without letting them control your actions. For example, if you're anxious about making a mistake at work, you can practice Acceptance by acknowledging your fear without judging it. You can use Cognitive Defusion to remind yourself that making a mistake doesn't make you a failure. Being Present can help you focus on the task at hand, rather than worrying about potential errors. Self as Context can remind you that you are more than your work performance. Identifying your Values can help you realize that being perfect at work isn't as important as being a kind and compassionate person. And finally, Committed Action can help you continue doing your best at work, even if you're afraid of making mistakes. So, there you have it. ACT isn't a magic cure for perfectionism-driven anxiety, but it's a powerful tool that can help you manage it. It's about learning to dance with your anxiety, rather than trying to outrun it. And who knows? You might just find that the dance is more beautiful than the chase.
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03Cultivating Self-Acceptance to Manage Anxiety
04How to use mindfulness for anxiety management?
05Understanding Core Values: Overcoming Perfectionism and Reducing Anxiety
06The Importance of Committed Action in Managing Anxiety
07Conclusion
About Clarissa W. Ong PhD , Michael P. Twohig PhD
Clarissa W. Ong, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and perfectionism. Michael P. Twohig, PhD, is a psychology professor at Utah State University, focusing on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for obsessive-compulsive and anxiety disorders.