The Art of Gathering
Priya Parker
19 min
8 Key Points
4.5 RateWhat's inside?
Explore the power of meaningful gatherings in our lives, learn how to create memorable and impactful meetings, parties, dinners, and events that can strengthen relationships and spark innovation.
You'll learn
1. Why good get-togethers matter2. Tips for epic gatherings3. Making chats fun and effective4. Being a top-notch host5. Get-togethers and your relationships6. Handling party poopers.Key points
01We need to plan our gatherings better, not just focus on food and venue
Gathering is a big part of who we are as humans. We come together for all sorts of reasons - to share news, to celebrate, to grieve, to make a stand. It's so important that in many societies, the right to gather is a basic human right. Even in places where freedoms are limited, the right to gather is often one of the first things to go, because those in power know how powerful a group of people can be. But here's the thing - even though we spend a lot of our lives in gatherings, from family meals to school reunions, from work meetings to parties, we don't always make the most of them. In fact, a lot of the time, they can be pretty forgettable. They don't always bring us closer together or make a big difference in our lives. There's research to back this up. A survey in 2015 found that workers saw "wasteful meetings" as one of the biggest things getting in the way of their productivity. And in 2016, an expert in international development wrote in The Guardian that his experiences at conferences often swung between "boredom, despair, and rage". But we keep on doing it. We keep on gathering in the same old ways, hoping that this time it'll be different. That this time, the magic will happen. But it rarely does. But it doesn't have to be this way. There are ways to make our gatherings more meaningful and impactful. There are strategies that can turn our gatherings from something mundane into something special, from something disappointing into something delightful. By understanding and using these strategies, we can tap into the power of gathering to build connections, inspire change, and make our lives richer.
02Every get-together needs a clear goal. It could be a celebration, a discussion, or just bonding
When we gather, whether it's for a birthday bash, a business meeting, or a casual get-together, it's crucial to have a clear purpose in mind. This isn't just about why we're meeting, but what we hope to achieve from it. This purpose isn't just a guiding light, it's the backbone of our gathering, shaping its structure, activities, and outcomes. We often fall into the habit of planning gatherings based on their traditional formats. We think a birthday party is just about celebrating someone's birth date, or a business meeting is solely for discussing work-related matters. But this mindset can lead to generic, uninspiring gatherings that don't tap into their full potential. Let's rethink this. A birthday party could be more than just a celebration of someone's birth date. It could be a chance to honor their achievements over the past year, or a way to bring together people who've played a significant role in their life. Similarly, a business meeting could be more than just a discussion about work. It could be an opportunity to strengthen team bonds or brainstorm innovative ideas. Without a clear, well-thought-out purpose, we risk falling back on old, stale formats that fail to inspire or engage. Instead of creating a memorable, transformative experience, we end up with a forgettable, routine event. So, how do we craft a meaningful purpose for a gathering? Aim for specificity and uniqueness. The more specific the purpose, the more it will resonate with participants and inspire their engagement. For example, on social networking sites like Meetup, groups with specific descriptions, like "LGBT couples hiking with dogs", tend to be more successful than groups with generic descriptions, like "couples hiking". Uniqueness is also key. Each gathering should offer a unique experience that sets it apart from other gatherings. This could be achieved through the choice of venue, the activities planned, the people invited, or the theme of the gathering. The Japanese have a saying, "Ichi-go Ichi-e", which translates to "one meeting, one moment in your life that will never happen again". This captures the idea that each gathering is a unique, unrepeatable event that should be cherished and made the most of. In a nutshell, before you bring people together, commit to a clear, specific, and unique purpose for the gathering. This will guide your planning and ensure that it's a meaningful, memorable experience for everyone involved.
03Not everyone needs to be at every party. Selective invites can make it more special
04As a host, you need to take charge, set the tone, and guide the event
05Prepare your guests for what to expect. This sets the mood and gets them ready
06Let your guests be themselves. It makes the gathering more genuine and meaningful
07Endings matter. Make sure to wrap up your gathering in a memorable way
08Conclusion
About Priya Parker
Priya Parker is a professional facilitator, strategic advisor, and founder of Thrive Labs. She has a background in conflict resolution and has worked on race relations on American college campuses and on peace processes in the Arab world. She is the author of "The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters".
