The Disease To Please

02Identifying Signs of the People-Pleasing Syndrome

You're at a family gathering, and your aunt asks you to help her prepare the dinner. You're tired, you've had a long day, and all you want to do is sit down and relax. But you say yes, because you don't want to disappoint her. You're always the one who says yes, aren't you? Whether it's at work, with friends, or in your family, you're always the one who steps up, even when it's at your own expense. This is a common scenario for those suffering from what Harriet B. Braiker calls the People-Pleasing Syndrome in her book "The Disease to Please". It's a behavioral pattern where individuals constantly put others' needs before their own, often to their own detriment. Recognizing this syndrome is crucial because it can lead to stress, burnout, and even health problems. People with this syndrome often exhibit certain behaviors and thought patterns. They tend to have a hard time saying no, even when they're overwhelmed. They often feel responsible for others' feelings and well-being. They also tend to avoid conflict and have a deep fear of rejection. For instance, they might agree to take on extra work even when they're already overloaded because they're afraid of disappointing their boss. These behaviors and thought patterns can be detrimental. They can lead to stress, burnout, and resentment. They can also prevent individuals from fulfilling their own needs and pursuing their own goals. Recognizing these signs in yourself is the first step towards overcoming the syndrome. It's important to be honest with yourself about your behaviors and thought patterns. You can use a self-assessment checklist or questionnaire to identify your own people-pleasing tendencies. For example, you might ask yourself: Do I often agree to do things I don't want to do? Do I feel responsible for others' feelings? Do I avoid conflict? Recognizing the syndrome in others is also important. This can help you understand their behaviors and navigate your relationships with them more effectively. For example, if you notice that a friend always agrees to do things they don't want to do, you might realize that they're a people-pleaser and try to be more mindful of not taking advantage of their willingness to help. Recognizing the People-Pleasing Syndrome is the first step towards addressing it. Once you've recognized the signs in yourself and others, you can start to take steps to overcome the syndrome. Braiker provides a range of strategies and techniques in her book, which will be discussed in the following sections. In conclusion, recognizing the People-Pleasing Syndrome is crucial. It's the first step towards addressing the issue and improving your well-being. So, the next time you find yourself saying yes when you really want to say no, take a moment to reflect. Are you doing it because you want to, or because you feel you have to? Recognizing the difference is the first step towards curing the disease to please.

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