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Try Softer

Aundi Kolber

Duration20 min
Key Points7 Key Points
Rating4.5 Rate

What's inside?

Explore a new approach to managing stress and anxiety, shifting from survival mode to a life filled with joy and meaningful connections.

You'll learn

Learn1. How to chill when you're stressed out
Learn2. Moving from just surviving to really living
Learn3. The link between bad experiences and mental health
Learn4. Being kind to yourself: why it matters
Learn5. The need for personal space and limits
Learn6. Building a better relationship with yourself and others.

Key points

01Understanding Trauma and its Impact on Mental Health

Life can sometimes feel like a roller coaster ride. One moment you're on top of the world, and the next, you're plummeting into a deep abyss. This emotional turbulence is often a result of trauma, a term that's thrown around a lot but is rarely understood in its entirety. Trauma is like an unwelcome guest that overstays its welcome, leaving a trail of anxiety, stress, and survival mode in its wake. It's more common than you might think, with many of us carrying the weight of past traumas, big or small, without even realizing it. Let's start by understanding that trauma comes in two sizes: Big 'T' Trauma and Little 't' Trauma. Big 'T' Trauma refers to significant events that shake us to our core, like a car accident, a natural disaster, or the loss of a loved one. These are the traumas that are easy to identify because they leave visible scars. On the other hand, Little 't' Trauma is more subtle. It's the constant belittling from a parent, the relentless bullying at school, or the chronic neglect from a partner. These traumas may not seem as significant as Big 'T' Traumas, but they can be just as damaging, if not more so. It's a common misconception that only Big 'T' Traumas affect our mental health, but the truth is, the accumulation of Little 't' Traumas can lead to a similar state of distress. When trauma, big or small, goes unaddressed, it can lead to a state of constant anxiety and stress. Our bodies go into survival mode, a physiological response designed to protect us from danger. Our heart rate increases, our muscles tense up, and our mind becomes hyper-alert. While this response can be helpful in a life-threatening situation, living in this state of high alert can be exhausting and detrimental to our mental health. The good news is, we don't have to stay stuck in survival mode. Therapy offers a safe space to unpack our traumas, understand their impact, and start the healing process. Acknowledging our trauma, whether it's a Big 'T' or a Little 't', is the first step towards healing. But healing from trauma isn't just about processing the past; it's also about building a future filled with connection and joy. Forming meaningful connections with others can provide a sense of belonging and support, which is crucial in the healing process. Moreover, finding joy in life, whether it's through hobbies, relationships, or personal achievements, can improve our mental health and overall quality of life. In conclusion, understanding trauma and its impact on mental health is crucial for anyone seeking to move out of survival mode and into a life of connection and joy. It's important to remember that no trauma is too small to be significant, and no person is too broken to heal. So, if you're carrying the weight of past traumas, remember that help is available, and healing is possible. After all, life is not just about surviving; it's about thriving.

02What's 'Try Softer' all about?

Ever found yourself in a situation where you're pushing yourself to the brink, trying to juggle a million things at once, and feeling like you're about to snap? You're not alone. We live in a society that often glorifies the 'try harder' mentality. We're told that if we're not constantly pushing ourselves to the limit, we're not doing enough. But this mentality can lead to burnout, stress, and a disconnection from our own needs and feelings. Enter the 'Try Softer' approach. 'Try Softer' is a concept introduced by Aundi Kolber in her book "Try Softer: A Fresh Approach to Move Us out of Anxiety, Stress, and Survival Mode--and into a Life of Connection and Joy". It's an alternative to the 'try harder' mentality that encourages us to acknowledge and respond to our feelings, rather than pushing them aside. At its core, 'Try Softer' is about self-compassion. It's about recognizing that we're human, and that it's okay to have limits. It's about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a friend who's struggling. Instead of berating ourselves for not being able to do it all, we're encouraged to acknowledge our feelings and respond to them in a compassionate way. One of the key aspects of 'Try Softer' is listening to our bodies and minds. Our bodies and minds are constantly sending us signals about what we need, whether it's rest, nourishment, or a break from stress. 'Try Softer' encourages us to pay attention to these signals and respond to them in a way that supports our well-being. For example, if we're feeling overwhelmed and stressed, instead of pushing through and trying to do more, 'Try Softer' would encourage us to take a step back, acknowledge our feelings, and take care of ourselves. This might mean taking a break, practicing self-care, or reaching out to a friend for support. The benefits of this approach are numerous. By listening to our bodies and minds and responding with compassion, we can avoid burnout, manage stress more effectively, and build a healthier relationship with ourselves. It's about recognizing that we're not machines, and that it's okay to take care of ourselves. Self-compassion is a key component of 'Try Softer'. It's about treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, rather than judgment and criticism. It's about recognizing that we're human, and that it's okay to make mistakes and have limits. In conclusion, 'Try Softer' is a powerful approach that encourages us to treat ourselves with compassion and understanding. It's about acknowledging our feelings and needs, and responding to them in a way that supports our well-being. As Aundi Kolber writes in her book, "When we try softer, we learn to listen to our bodies and minds, and we give ourselves the compassion and care we need to thrive." So next time you find yourself pushing to the brink, remember to 'Try Softer'.

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03Understanding the 'Try Softer' Approach: Insights from Neuroscience and Psychology

04Your Step-by-Step Guide to Implementing 'Try Softer' in Daily Life

05'How the 'Try Softer' Approach Can Improve Your Life'

06Maintaining the 'Try Softer' Approach for a Healthier Life

07Conclusion

About Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and author, known for her work in trauma-informed therapy. She advocates for mental health awareness and incorporates faith-based approaches in her practice. Her book "Try Softer" reflects her expertise in psychology and her passion for helping others heal.