Unglued
Lysa Terkeurst
14 min
6 Key Points
4.2 RateWhat's inside?
Explore strategies to manage and respond to intense emotions wisely, leading to healthier relationships and a more balanced life.
You'll learn
1. How to keep your cool2. Making smart choices when you're upset3. Boosting your emotional smarts4. Strengthening relationships with better reactions5. The role of feelings in personal growth6. Turning bad vibes into good moves.Key points
01Your thoughts can either trap you or set you free - it's all about how you use them
Think of your mind like a two-sided blade. It can either trap you or set you free, all depending on how you use it. This is a deep truth that we often overlook. Let's break it down with a real-life example. Picture a woman who often finds herself in heated arguments with her husband. In the heat of the moment, she says things she later wishes she hadn't. After each fight, she beats herself up, thinking, "I'm such a terrible wife. I can't control my temper. I always mess things up." This is her mind trapping her. It's a cycle of negative thinking that makes her believe she's a bad wife, which only makes her more likely to lose her temper the next time they argue. But what if she used her mind differently? Instead of beating herself up, she could think, "I lost my temper, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad wife. I can learn from this and do better next time." This is her mind setting her free. It breaks the cycle of negativity and lets her learn from her mistakes instead of being held captive by them. So, you see, our minds are like two-sided blades. One side can trap us in negative cycles, making us believe harmful things about ourselves. The other side can set us free, helping us learn from our mistakes and become better versions of ourselves. The trick is learning how to use this blade effectively. We need to recognize when we're falling into negative thinking and consciously choose to think more positively. It's not easy, but it's a crucial step towards making better choices, especially when our emotions are running high.
02You are what you call yourself
The idea that "you are what you call yourself" is a powerful one. It's all about how we see ourselves, the tags we stick on ourselves, and how these tags shape our actions, behaviors, and life experiences. Let's break it down a bit. Picture yourself as a student who's always had a tough time with math. You've tagged yourself as "not good at math". This tag, this self-view, can put a cap on your potential. You might dodge tricky math problems or throw in the towel quickly when faced with a hard equation, all because you've already decided that you're "not good at math". This tag can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your belief in your inability actually adds to your struggles. Now, let's think about a different situation. Imagine you're someone who's always been told that you're "overly emotional". You've taken this tag to heart and believe it's true. This belief might make you hold back your emotions, to avoid showing your feelings for fear of being judged or misunderstood. This can lead to emotional distress and can stop you from forming deep, meaningful relationships with others. In both these examples, the tags - "not good at math" and "overly emotional" - have a deep impact on the individuals' behaviors and experiences. They put a cap on their potential and stop them from fully expressing themselves or reaching their full potential. The key is to challenge these self-given tags. We shouldn't let our past experiences, our mistakes, or other people's opinions define us. Instead, we should define ourselves based on our inherent worth and potential. For example, instead of tagging yourself as "not good at math", you could change your thinking and tell yourself, "I've had a hard time with math in the past, but I can get better". This new tag recognizes your past struggles but also emphasizes your potential for growth and improvement. Similarly, instead of seeing yourself as "overly emotional", you could tell yourself, "I'm a deeply empathetic person who feels emotions intensely". This change in perspective recognizes your emotional nature but also highlights its positive aspects - empathy and depth of feeling. In conclusion, the tags we stick on ourselves can greatly influence our behaviors, actions, and life experiences. By challenging these tags and changing our self-views, we can unlock our potential and improve our lives. This is the heart of the idea that "you are what you call yourself".
03You can't control everything, but you can control how you react
04Being thankful makes you get along better with others
05Focus on improving yourself, not on being jealous of others
06Conclusion
About Lysa Terkeurst
Lysa Terkeurst is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker who helps everyday women live an adventure of faith. She is the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, providing biblical wisdom for women through daily online devotions, radio programs, online Bible studies, and more.
