Permission to Feel

01Think of emotions as clues to understand yourself better

In "Permission to Feel", Marc Brackett introduces us to a fresh perspective on emotions. He suggests that emotions aren't just feelings we experience, but also valuable information we need to process. Let's delve a bit deeper into this idea. Brackett talks about two kinds of emotions: integral and incidental. Integral emotions are directly linked to the situation you're in. For instance, if you're gearing up for a big presentation and your laptop screen suddenly goes blank, the frustration and anxiety you feel are integral emotions. They're a natural response to the situation at hand. Incidental emotions, on the other hand, aren't directly tied to the current situation. Let's stick with the same example. After your laptop screen breaks, you rush out of your house to get to work early and figure out a solution. The stress from the morning incident might make you drive more aggressively. It might also make you more irritable or less patient with your colleagues. These are incidental emotions - they're influenced by an event that isn't happening right now but has affected your emotional state. We all experience both integral and incidental emotions in our daily lives. While integral emotions are pretty easy to understand, incidental emotions can be a bit more complex and confusing. For example, you might be puzzled when a usually friendly barista is rude to you for no apparent reason. The reason could be an argument they had earlier in the day, which is affecting their mood and behavior - a classic example of incidental emotions. The main point here is that emotions, whether integral or incidental, aren't just feelings to be experienced. They're also information to be processed. They give us insights into our mental and emotional state and can influence our behavior and interactions. So, understanding and managing our emotions is key to our overall well-being. Brackett suggests a five-step process for mastering emotions, which he calls RULER: 1. Recognize: Be aware of your emotions and acknowledge how you're feeling. 2. Understand: Try to figure out why you're feeling the way you are. 3. Label: Give a name to your emotions. This can help you better understand and communicate your feelings. 4. Express: Share your emotions in a healthy and constructive way. 5. Regulate: Learn how to manage your emotions, especially in stressful or challenging situations. By following these steps, we can process our emotions more effectively, leading to improved emotional health and well-being.